Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
