How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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