Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
