Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
