When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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