1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
