we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
