my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
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dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
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YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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