Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
