drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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