I can't breathe out the right side of my face
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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