So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
