even my farts smell like vagina
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
