He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Michael Bay diarrhea
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
