I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
