Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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