JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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