You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
