This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
