True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
not ubering you a puppy
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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