Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
