i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
