she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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