You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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