so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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