The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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