Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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