Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So here I am, sexting at work.
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