no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
