It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
