This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
