I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
