Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
