whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
