A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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