is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The maid of honor just puked.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
