Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
