Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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