Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
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Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.