I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.