That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.