I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear