my room smells like sperm. sweet.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
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I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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