but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
