so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
