party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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