So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
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So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
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You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.