Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.

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  (210): I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it. http://tfl.nu/afso
  Replies (4) Good night (1635) Bad night (640)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?

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  (612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home? http://tfl.nu/fztn
  Replies (98) Good night (5331) Bad night (54919)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture

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  (484): Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture http://tfl.nu/aclr
  Replies (23) Good night (741) Bad night (2256)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight

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  (802): that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight http://tfl.nu/exu9
  Replies (73) Good night (1301) Bad night (2919)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

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  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
  Replies (43) Good night (2144) Bad night (14305)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out

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  (705): I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out http://tfl.nu/lvnp
  Replies (5) Good night (2554) Bad night (1100)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.

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  (403): Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out. http://tfl.nu/zi3g
  Replies (18) Good night (2248) Bad night (1149)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood

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  (402): Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place (402): This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded (402): Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood http://tfl.nu/jep5
  Replies (8) Good night (1852) Bad night (873)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.

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  (484): We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us. http://tfl.nu/883t
  Replies (4) Good night (1910) Bad night (678)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.

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  (816): Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland. http://tfl.nu/1rj2
  Replies (3) Good night (1966) Bad night (583)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it

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  (828): It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it http://tfl.nu/e4ef
  Replies (9) Good night (2275) Bad night (609)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  That is awesome that you did that.

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  (508): I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity (1-508): That is awesome that you did that. http://tfl.nu/1wsl
  Replies (13) Good night (1728) Bad night (527)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.

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  (515): Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen. http://tfl.nu/hels
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (386)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!

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  (918): Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night! http://tfl.nu/ci8u
  Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (333)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.

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  (713): Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night. http://tfl.nu/xad2
  Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (266)

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