i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
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I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.