Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard