im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING