I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
