pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
