I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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