What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
