I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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