I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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