went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
