let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
