So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
