somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
