I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
