Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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