I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
