Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
