I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
