She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
